I would like to formally welcome every other now blogging or about-to-blog Hollywood print journalist to the already crowded online neighborhood. It's a big tent, with room for all. But the aahs or angst that all these blogs are causing the Hollywood community is palpable, believe me. (Mine included.) For example, United Artists this week found a cushy home in Peter Bart's new blog to combat the bad buzz by spinning what a genius movie Valkyrie supposedly is. (Why does his content remind me of Larry King's random thoughts in USA Today years ago: "I like Tom Terrific.... I like toast.") Down on his luck Bob Shaye has repeatedly vented in Patrick Goldstein's Los Angeles Times column and now will have an additional venue in which to boast about his under-appreciated genius. ("From the first, they were all against me ... Ahh, but the strawberries, that's where I had them...") All while my sources give me chapter and verse about the very un-genius behavior of the mental and physical midgets who run the Biz. So I had a thought: what is the going rate for a Hollywood industry blog mention -- good or bad -- these days? I'm not talking about something so crass as cash. Because this Industry has other currencies, too. I can't wait to watch who'll do what to whom and why to get them in or out.
“mental and physical midgets who run the biz.”
hilariously true
they used to say at William Morris the most powerful were on the 1st floor, not the customary top floor, because the men were too short to climb the steps.
Comment by funny nikki — June 4, 2008 @ 4:24 pm
Harvey Weinstein will give you a free DVD copy of Titanic if you say something nice about his company in your blog. Why? So you too can know what it feels like to be on a sinking ship.
If you praise Warner Brothers in your blog, Alan Horn will give you a sneak peek at I Am Legend 2. This sequel tells the true story of the loneliest man on Earth: the guy who saw Speed Racer on opening night.
Roland Emmerich will give you a steamy pile of feces for $100 million. I don’t know what that has to do with blogs. Just thought I’d mention it.
Brian Singer will give you a role in his next movie if you…well…nevermind. That Routh kid sure is talented.
Nicolas Cage will agree to be in your blog for free, but he will seize creative control and demand numerous changes. This is the only way your blog can be as awesome as Next, which was really f*cking awesome.
If you include the phrase “Tom Cruise is not crazy” in your blog post, Tom Cruise will arrive on your doorstep and lecture you for seventeen hours straight about thetans, ethics, and KSW. He will do this because you’re glib and you could learn from his immense wisdom.
Write good things about George Clooney and receive a free jar of Box Office Poison: guaranteed to stop even the strongest films in their tracks.
If you make a positive mention of ICM, they’ll show you their top secret ray gun. This radical piece of technology can take something big and powerful, and shrink it until it’s small, pathetic, and irrelevant.
If you write something bad about CAA, you will soon die of radiation poisoning. But don’t worry, you can make a reincarnation pact with the devil. He has friends at CAA and he can probably get you a spot in the mailroom. If you work hard from there, who knows?
Comment by Joshua Goldstein — June 4, 2008 @ 4:28 pm
all the blogging scared Fox enough to go ahead and screen The Happening for critics after initially declining press screenings. “Please keep in mind that reviews cannot post (online blogs included) or run until opening day, June 13th.” wow
Comment by Veena — June 4, 2008 @ 5:58 pm
Here’s what happens if your blog says something NICE or NASTY:
M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN-
NICE- He sends you a preview copy of his next film as a reward.
NASTY- The twist at the end is that watching the preview copy of his next film is punishment.
HARVEY WEINSTEIN-
NICE- He buys a full page ad in Variety demanding that you get nominated for an Oscar.
NASTY- He buys your film and it is never seen again. And the really cruel part is that he pays you in Weinstein Co. stock.
ROBERT SHAYE-
NICE- Never happens, so even he doesn’t know.
NASTY- He’s got a long list to go through before he gets to you, so you’ll have to wait until Spring 2021 to find out.
TOM CRUISE-
NICE- A billion year contract with his production company.
NASTY- A date with Xenu. (Who is actually quite charming)
CAA
NICE- Get you a deal way beyond your actual value.
NASTY- Get you a part in a George Clooney film.
UNIVERSAL-
NICE- A free pass for the studio tour.
NASTY- A free copy of “Ghost Dad.”
UNITED ARTISTS-
NICE- Tom Cruise will not visit you.
NASTY- Net points in “Valkyrie.”
MICHAEL BAY-
NICE- Something that will look good in the preview, but be unsatisfying, and even annoying when you finally get it.
NASTY- A copy of “Pearl Harbour.”
UWE BOLL-
NICE- Sadly, he’ll die of shock when he reads it, so no reward.
NASTY- Let’s just say that your words, are FIGHTIN’ WORDS!
JERRY BRUCKHEIMER-
NICE- A spot as “Guest Corpse” on a CSI show.
NASTY- He just ignores you as he sleeps on a bed made entirely of $1000 bills.
Comment by Furious D — June 4, 2008 @ 6:00 pm
@ Joshua
Yep, Hollywood is the place to be
Comment by Michael Dobrofsky — June 4, 2008 @ 6:51 pm
Blogs are definitely taking over newsprint; Nikki you were way ahead of the curve and I love your blog.
Comment by Philly Chit Chat — June 4, 2008 @ 6:56 pm
Dear Joshua,
If you don’t have one yet, please start a blog. I want to hear what else you have to say.
Sincerely,
Cory O’Connor
Comment by Cory O'Connor — June 4, 2008 @ 7:40 pm
If a PR maven tells a studio head they got a mention in a blog they get yelled at and told to “Do your job and get me on TV or in print somewhere.”
Comment by reelbusy — June 4, 2008 @ 11:05 pm
Maybe we can go old school George Christy style and mention creepy nobodies (I’m not naming names but if Brad Krevoy popped into your mind I can’t help that) for bogus 7k a day roles to keep our SAG insurance!
Comment by Anonymous — June 5, 2008 @ 9:26 am
That Larry King style thing is something my friends and I would parody in long rambling emails to each other when we were bored at work.
“For my money, Angie Dickinson isn’t just a hell of an actress, she’s a hell of a broad… Say, am I the only one who remembers Jack Benny sideman Don Wilson?… Boxers? Briefs? Neither!!… I once shot a mime. Just to hear him scream…”
Comment by Rich Drees — June 5, 2008 @ 10:46 am
Nikki thanks for the pointer to Bart’s blog In these tense times, a good laugh or two are much appreciated.
The *comments* on that post about Tom Cruise in Valkyrie are very very funny…it’s like kids amusing themselves behind the substitute teacher’s back (with Bart cast as the aging ancient teacher…kind of like Emily Litella but her very legitimate excuse for being clueless was she was hard of hearing).
And this zinger from Bart’s uninteresting post on tattoos by ‘B. Younger’? It says it all:
“Hey, Rip Van Winkle… this is news? To you, maybe.”
I can’t imagine that the official TomCruise.com site is as much fun to hang out at although it’s already been lambasted as being way too late to rehab Tommy’s online image (those leaked Scientology videos and their many mashups and parodies are also a laugh riot)
Comment by Old Media Guys Doing Blogs Are Funny — June 5, 2008 @ 10:50 am
There are other blogs covering the Biz besides yours?
Really?
I doubt that.
You are gold, Nikki.
Comment by Mike Cane — June 5, 2008 @ 11:32 am
This is one of the best news sites. Most of the other popular ones are snarky and funny first and informational second.
—
I noticed that if you criticize someone who isn’t huge, they will find it and get pissed. Usually b/c they have a google alert. Otherwise I get complete ignored, which is nice.
Oh, the fans of Jericho tried to lynch me.
Comment by MY — June 6, 2008 @ 10:46 am