Needless to say, the following is a parody of the "Why We Write" campaign. This spoof was created by WGA members Lissa Kapstrom & Will Schifrin:
"I had a typical childhood, growing up in a modest, six thousand square foot house in Connecticut. My father was a hard working investment banker who liked to unwind by sleeping with my nannies, and my mother had a special talent for hiding her Librium addiction. Every night, after our icy silent dinners, I would retire to the great room to watch TV – classic shows like MASH, Cheers, Taxi and St. Elsewhere. I laughed, cried and was moved by the incredible story telling, and I knew that when I grew up I had to be a part of the magic that is the entertainment industry. 
Not as a writer – because who wants to be some pasty nerd who gets no respect, toils endlessly without fair compensation and doesn’t get laid? Hell no. I would become a member of the AMPTP. I make my own hours, drive a Ferrari and am dating a Czech supermodel. So, to paraphrase that writer guy Jimmy Brooks, ‘If you want your life to exceed your dreams, don’t write.’” -- Richard W.
“Writing requires sitting at a table. I don’t do that.” -- John L.
“When I was in middle school I suffered a debilitating injury that changed my life. I was doodling pictures of penises during math class when the teacher called my name, startling me so badly that I stabbed myself in the thigh with my pencil. I got severe lead poisoning, causing me to drop out of gym class (my best subject). After that, I devoted my life to fighting the scourge that is the No. 2 pencil. Soon others came to me with their horror stories involving other writing implements – a pen up the nose, a falling typewriter from a second story window, and let’s not forget all those exploding laptops. I knew this was an epidemic that had to be stopped. But how? I found my answer in the AMPTP, an organization dedicated to eradicating all writing instruments and those who use them. So why don’t I write? Because I’m trying to make the world a better place. Thank you.” -- Gordon N.
“I can’t read.” -- Mark C.
“Actually – don’t spread this around – but I’m working on a spec script. Here’s the opening: Fade in: Interior. Beach. No, wait. That should be Exterior. Beach. Aw, screw it.” -- Roger D.
“It makes me sleepy.” -- Dan R.
“I do write. Contracts. Ever heard of a little something called a $250 flat internet redistribution payment?” -- Nick C.
not even remotely funny.
Comment by Anonymous — December 30, 2007 @ 4:15 pm
This kind of high school stuff is beneath us. Please, please remove it.
Comment by B — December 30, 2007 @ 4:24 pm
Shills!
The writers of this posts are clearly Fabiani & Lehane trolls.
No one in the WGA is this unfunny save for Craig Mazin (retired).
Comment by shill patrol — December 30, 2007 @ 9:36 pm
That is lame. Come on.
What happened to professionalism.
Comment by phildaleduckie — December 30, 2007 @ 9:40 pm
It’s nice that writers find time to do this rather than negotiate a better deal.
Comment by Anonymous — December 30, 2007 @ 10:04 pm
Hilarious. I laughed out loud.
Comment by HappyNewYear — December 30, 2007 @ 10:11 pm
B-
Are you serious? It’s just a piece of satire like the AMPTP.com thing. Lighten up. People are just trying to add a little levity during a tough time.
-Prowriter
Comment by Prowriter — December 30, 2007 @ 10:33 pm
Hilarious. So clever, in fact, that two AMPTP PR trollers felt the need to post negative comments. Nice try guys, we see right through you.
Comment by Czech model — December 31, 2007 @ 12:07 am
Jeeze, when I first started reading this I missed the “it’s a parody” part. After that, I thought it was cute.
Comment by mla28 — December 31, 2007 @ 2:33 am
First thing I’ve seen that’s actually me laugh! Anonymous must be “Mark C” and B must be “Nick C.”
Either way, keep this one up–screw the humorless, anal-retentive pukes who want to dis it. Face it guys, the AMPTP won’t give you back pay, no matter how much you suck their asses.
If the AMPTP refuses to say anything to the WGA or Nikki, then what’s the harm in putting words in their wouths? Certainly more entertaining than anything THEY’VE said thus far.
Comment by TV Watcher — December 31, 2007 @ 7:05 am
Why We Don’t Write is right on. Those AMPTP pr…cks don’t write, can’t write, can’t do anything except wear expensive suits, hoard money and begrudge decent people a decent living. Apparently, only “they” should be able to afford to send their kids to decent schools, have health insurance and pensions — the rest of us should live like Tiny Tim. Or better yet, like Nick Nolte in Down and Out in Beverly Hills. We can stop by their palatial manse, eat out of their trash cans and sleep with their kids, but — by god — don’t pay the writers for their work! That’s un-American I tell you!!
What’s truly un-American is Rupert Murdoch and Sumner Redstone, Les Moonves and the other rich white guys, flying around on their private jets on Xmas, while the entire economy in LA goes belly up.
Six Scrooges, and 10,500 Tiny Tims. Hmmm….it’s Multiplicity meets Xmas Carol!! It’ll be huge. Ahh, nobody would believe it.
Comment by Writeonsista — December 31, 2007 @ 8:05 am
Boo. Sorry to be cruel to fellow writers, but that is terrible (not “terrible” as in “that’s so mean, yet cleverly sardonic”, but “terrible” as in “great job on your draft” followed immediately by “page one re-write” terrible). Please, Nikki… remove it.
Comment by No — December 31, 2007 @ 8:26 am
Hilarious and clever. Loved it! LOL…
Comment by Cap’n Carol
Comment by Carol Schneider — December 31, 2007 @ 8:28 am
Ms. Finke: You don’t bother posting my criticisms of the “Why we Write” campaigns but you post this — a bunch of “look how witty” I am cheapshots?
I’m very disappointed in the direction this (formerly good) website is taking. I know this is a difficult time for everyone but stay on the rails if you can. (I won’t even mention my thoughts on that crass Christmas Eve post.)
Comment by Mark S. — December 31, 2007 @ 9:13 am
Come on lighten up…it was a joke, and some of it was funny and had a point to it. It helps to laugh a little about all this.
Comment by Ben P. — December 31, 2007 @ 9:40 am
If this is the best WGA members can come up with, it’s no wonder the AMPTP doesn’t want to talk to them. There’s no negotiating with children.
Comment by bekow the liner — December 31, 2007 @ 10:40 am
What is it with these writers doing parodies of everything lately? Doing a parody of something means you aren’t able to come up with something original on your own. It’s why no one over 15 years of age likes the spoofing Scary/Date/Epic movies. If writers want to show their creativity, do something original. Show people you are worth the extra percentage you are asking for.
Comment by Kid Danger — December 31, 2007 @ 12:15 pm
Kid Danger, not to be all schoolmarm on you, but parodies and satire have been written by our best writers for millennia and it’s really popular in postmodernism, the literary movement du jour.
Not saying this parody is a particularly effective one, but yeah, no.
Comment by ten demerits — December 31, 2007 @ 2:57 pm
“I can’t read.” — Mark C.
That made me laugh. The first development meeting I went to at a studio, I was the only one in the room who had read the script.
Comment by justanotherwriter — December 31, 2007 @ 4:06 pm
Excuse me WGA, but you all missed a turn back at the beginning. It’s called the HIGH ROAD. That’s the road you should be on to reach your destination. This is one of the reasons the AMPTP won’t talk to you. All of you are very clever,but, are you showing any class?
Comment by Anonymous — December 31, 2007 @ 4:36 pm
Do tell Anonymous, what are the other reasons the AMPTP is abrogating its legally mandated responsibility to negotiate with us? And is the “omg they wrote a parody, meanies!” defense enshrined in the US Code or is it filed next to the Twinkie Defense?
Comment by Anon — January 2, 2008 @ 12:55 am
Hysterical! I practically spit my coffee when I read it. Loved the guy who stabbed himself with a pencil. Funny stuff.
Comment by Striking_Dave — January 2, 2008 @ 1:33 pm