I'm told talented Jonathan Schmock wrote this, and it's a gourmet read...
2007 STRIKERS GUIDE TO LOS ANGELES STUDIOS
CBS RADFORD
Once the "ultimate destination" for the "proletarian struggle," now this "no frills" "bunker" is a "safe bet" for avoiding anyone you've "slept with." "Ample construction dust" and "non-specific anxiety" make visiting the MacDonald's bathroom a "high point" at this "bland", "very casual" locale. "A gem."
DISNEY STUDIOS
When it comes to "waving cardboard" at the shadow of a "frozen, Nazi-loving ghost," the sine quo non is this "stand-by", "folksy" institution. "A slice of Fascism" proclaiming "free air" and "live squirrels," the Disney Imagineers seem to have "worked overtime" in providing "the feeling you are being recorded," but more "for retribution than for pay."
FOX STUDIOS
"Prius drivers and black women always honk" has never seemed truer
than at this "one-of-a-kind" "propaganda stockyard." You'll "come for
the principle" but you'll "stay for the guilt" as host Rupert Murdoch
serves up "no easy sneak out routes" and keeps "residual-philes"
"hanging in till three." Although CAA agents no longer "hand out
pastry on trays," those "in the Biz" may entertain the notion of
"leaping into the fountain for a penny."
NBC BURBANK
Getting a school bus to honk has never seemed so "chic" as at the
"legendary" Burbank "chez Leno." "Enthusiastic die-hards" stand in
"long lines" to "stand in a long line" as stories of "touching John
Edwards" and "creepy Ambassador Hotel premonitions" make striking at
NBC Burbank the West Coast answer to "yelling at any New York office
building."
PARAMOUNT MELROSE GATE
Memories of Myrna Loy and Star Trek mingle with the aroma of "feet"
and "that guy from that pilot" at this "clubby", "old-school" "bastion
of the corporate over-lord." "Six miles of aerobic walking" and a view
of "Mathew Modine in a sweater" seem a "nifty trade off" for "your
career." Haute amenities include "shade" and "sitting on a planter."
SONY PICTURES
Enjoy the visual ambience of "a plating company" and "people with
jobs" as you "make eye contact" with "sassy moguls." When I say
"Union," you'll say "Kill Me" as you "trudge" around this "larger than
it looks" "Deco whale." "How's that iPhone?" and "What have you
heard?" pepper the banter on this "seemingly endless death march."
Locals recommend the Paul Haggis.
UNIVERSAL BARHAM GATE
Don't let "searing asphalt" and "noxious fumes" deter you from this
"centrally located" "barren intersection" which insiders have dubbed
"Universal's hind end." Make sure you try the "sunscreen" as a defense
against "le sol dangereuse." "Bright" and "minimal", Barham boasts of
proximity to a "furnished apartment complex" as well as a
"graveyard," so "ingrate picketers" can see not only where they're
headed, but also where they're ultimately headed.
WARNER BROS
"Kick back" as an "Asian girl" makes you "chant like a Marine" and
crew guys give you that "hey fag" look as you sample the many
entrances to this "lavish, animation-geared sweatshop." "Giant,
plentiful, life-like murals" of "other people's hits" make you feel as
if you are "walking in a circle in the sun." "Free Pizza" and
"limitless In and Out Burgers" have recently given way to "water" and
"whatever's in your pockets."
The best piece of strike comedy so far. Congrats to whomever.
Comment by Comedy Writer — December 11, 2007 @ 7:22 pm
Hilarious.
Comment by Anon — December 11, 2007 @ 7:23 pm
CBS Colfax: The gate voted most likely to initiate vehicular assault by a CBS worker. It has plenty of sunshine - great for the early morning picketer - and a polite, but determined, group of strikers dedicated to the WGA cause.
Comment by Jake Holly — December 11, 2007 @ 8:02 pm
Brilliant, relevant, and goddam funny. Makes the jerks who did the Amptp parody site look like the third rate writers they are
Comment by apro — December 11, 2007 @ 9:19 pm
The sausage king of Chicago! Brilliant.
Comment by Anonymous — December 11, 2007 @ 9:48 pm
Funny
Comment by Anonymous — December 11, 2007 @ 11:39 pm
And the funny bar just keeps getting higher. Here’s an LA trueism about funny. You’re at a party and say something that makes 6 out of 7 people in the talk circle laugh out loud. The 7th person turns to you and says with a dead serious look on their face: “That’s funny.” This person is a comedian or comedy writer. This translates in two different ways. 1. “That’s funny.” means “that’s damn funny shit and why didn’t I think of it first because comedy is darn serious work”. 2. “That’s funny.” means “That’s mine and I thank you for it because they are going to love that around the table in the writers room and I’ll get credit for it.” (Also called The Tarantino) Either way it’s the best praise phrase you ever get from comedy people. So let me just say to the writer of the Zagat picket write up: “That’s funny.”
Comment by ReelBusy — December 12, 2007 @ 12:58 am
Hate to be a downer here,but can we stop being clever and get down to business. We all know WGA members can write, right! I would like to read some news on what the leadership is doing to bring these guys back to the table. Are we at a complete stalemate because I do doubt WGA is sending the AMPTP a letter welcoming them back and complying to their ultimatum to take all off the table?
Let’s stop with the funny and get some momentum here toward a resolution. There are too many of us waiting to have the LAST LAUGH!
Semper Fi
Comment by Semper Fi — December 12, 2007 @ 1:56 am
If you guys thing this is “Brilliant”, then you have simply no clue….it’s a masterpiece!!!!
Comment by Anonymous — December 12, 2007 @ 5:24 am
Yay for real comedy!
Comment by anon — December 12, 2007 @ 6:20 am
Hilarious…love the nazi sympathizer reference to Walt, perfect.
Comment by Pete Aronson — December 12, 2007 @ 8:20 am
good job, sir.
Comment by belowthebelt — December 12, 2007 @ 8:28 am
Agreed — this is the funniest thing written yet — much better than the overrated amptp.com which was “just okay”.
Comment by strikeguy — December 12, 2007 @ 10:01 am
Yes, many a striker I had in my sights at the Colfax gate until they scurried across. Damn!
Comment by CBS worker — December 12, 2007 @ 1:55 pm
Genius! Although those of us at CBS TV City feel a bit left out by your silver-tongued admonishment…
Comment by Aaron — December 12, 2007 @ 3:17 pm